The Wake-Up-Call

Realizing that ‘perfection’ is unachievable!

When I feel pressured by expectations of perfection, I tend to have to stop, and sort of take a moment to bring myself back to reality…

Obviously, there is the reality of how our society works, and the things we need to do to ‘make it in this world’, but, there is this what you could describe as a wake-up-call. This wake-up-call is the true reality: the realization that you will never be perfect- it’s that simple. Many people miss this call however, getting so caught up in planning their future and in their efforts to achieve this unrealistic ‘perfection’. Furthermore, even the so-called ‘perfection’ they’re searching for won’t always equate to their greatest happiness.

It is okay to strive for success, but success is not perfection. And often when we’re caught up in this illusion, we forget to acknowledge our own happiness and whether or not what we are doing is for us. We forget why we even want the things we are doing,

It’s like one day we could wake up and realize the life we’re living isn’t our own- we’ve been living out someone else’s idea of a ‘perfect life’.

This could mean living vicariously- through someone else’s life experiences. An example would be when we become parents. We want your children to experience all the things we never got to. By them getting those experiences, in a way we are living through them- but, this isn’t always a bad thing, actually most of the time it’s a beautiful thing.

It could also be because the idea has been drilled into our minds since we were children. The life we are living being solely based on the future our parents had envisioned for us.

We could even go our whole lives on auto-pilot, not even really stoping to ask ourselves what life we wanted in the first place; just doing the things society has deemed necessary to do in order to live up to our expected roles in life.

Nothing will ever be completely perfect; not us, not anyone we meet, not our life, and not anyone else’s life. Some people many have ‘better’ lives, or more opportunities, more privileges, or more things we think that we want. But, that doesn’t mean the quality of their life is any higher than our own.

So, there comes a point in life when we have to ask ourselves…

“Am I living the life I want to live?”

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Discussions on ‘Perfection’

These are quotes from a group discussion on perfection; how the impossible standards of perfection can steer us away from reality and what is really important

“We are programmed to seek perfection.”

“I say I’ll have fun when the work is done- but the work is never really done”

“I feel like real life is getting lost.”

“We are losing sight of what’s really important in life.”

“Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses.”

“I tend to have severe judgements of others- expecting everyone else to meet my standards- sometimes I don’t even realize I am doing it.”

“The most important thing we need to remember is to keep things in perspective.”

“Take a deep breath… and open your eyes.”

“We can’t let expectations rule us.”

“The only person I should be comparing myself to… is myself from yesterday.”

“You don’t have to be good all the time.”

“The world goes on- life goes on.”

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“You only have to let the soft animal of your body. love what it loves.”
-Mary Oliver

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Living, Dying, Loving

“Reasons to live give reasons to die.”

-The Hate U Give

“How beautiful is it to live in a world where nothing lasts forever. We must learn to fall in love with the love inside us, only then every moment living will be worth dying for.”

-r.m. drake

“Love is worth dying for because without love there is no reason to live.”

-a perspective

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“The only way to move forward is to acknowledge and address what’s holding you back.”

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About MEN- true or not?

Men require intimacy and emotional connection, much more than women. They are conditioned to suppress their feelings, and their girlfriends are often the only way they can get in touch with those parts of themselves. While men may fall in love rarely, they fall harder and faster than women. Once a man’s heart is broken, it takes much longer to heal than that of a woman.

A lot of men truly believe they aren’t “worthy” of the women they want. And not only that, it has created unrealistic expectations when it comes to women. They will drop women at the earliest sign of non-interest, and basically put in as little effort as possible, which I think is ridiculous. They would rather not go through a situation at all than to deal with the sadness that comes at the end when many relationships don’t work out.

If you have self-confidence, and you believe you are worthy of someone’s love- you will find someone. Most guys think they aren’t something* enough: not fit enough, not tall enough, not handsome enough, not rich enough, not interesting enough, etc. Guys think that just because they don’t fit the typical image of what a man is supposed to be like, they don’t deserve a good looking/overall good girl.

Guys have feelings/problems just like girls; they have image problems, and self-confidence problems; guys can have eating-disorders and breakdowns. A lot of it stems from a man’s pride and how it is seen as weak if they admit to having these problems- which it shouldn’t be. There of-course is the male ego, which in truth you have to be gentle with. They want to be able to discuss their desires, concerns, and opinions without fearing an emotional reaction of hurricane proportions.

Men are only afraid of their freedom, if you make them the center of the entire universe, and the sole reason for your happiness. They fear finding out that the person they’re with may not be perfect, because it reveals the imperfections in themselves as well. True intimacy is hard work and they’re afraid of the buried things they might discover when digging everything up. Such men may believe they want a real relationship, but only put in five percent of the effort rather than the full 50 or even more, and foolishly expect something fulfilling and satisfying. They’re waiting for the one who is good enough for them, but no one will ever be. 

Guys are not afraid of commitment- they just need to be very sure. They have feelings, it is just more difficult for them to express them. The male ego is very prevalent, and you need to be gentle with it. Men need freedom and independence; a little leeway. They want to feel like they can discuss their feelings without an overdramatic reaction.

Guys want honest communication; self-sufficient, secure, confident women; a manipulation-free relationship; growth, personal responsibility, and ownership; commitment; and women who know how men want to be treated.

*compiled from a variety of sources
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“People only change by themselves when they are ready and convinced of it by their own experiences.”

-a wise soul

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More About Happiness

The Importance of Striving for Happiness

“Happiness is a state of well-being that encompasses living a good life, with a sense of meaning and satisfaction.”

“Take life day by day, it is a life-long process that involves continuously checking in with yourself.”

“Who actually turns their life upside down to strive for happiness above all else?” -Jennifer Lachs. People often forget how important happiness is in their lives. Youth often lose sight of what will truly make them happy as they begin their adult lives. Whether it’s from the pressures and responsibilities of life, or living up to others’ expectations, happiness is put aside. Also, when choosing a career and getting a job, people have a tendency to focus on things that seem more important at the time. Sure, our own happiness can be pushed off for a short while, but it is important to acknowledge the role it plays in our lives.

Firstly, we need to recognize what happiness is. Happiness is a state of well-being that encompasses living a good life, with a sense of meaning and satisfaction. In other words, happiness is being content with the life you are living. Each person’s state of happiness is different because each person has their own idea of what will make them happy, yet ultimately it is fulfillment, contentment, and a general sense of joy. Happiness starts within ourselves; it involves recognizing the state we are in and being honest about why we aren’t happy.

So many things can prevent a person from being happy or from seeking out happiness. Such things include fear, comparison, accountability, expectations, stress, insecurity, or just not living in the present. Some people aren’t happy simply because they can’t be content with what they have materially; they have this illusion that more will equal a greater happiness. Yet, happiness is not about just wanting more. Another reason people aren’t happy is because they focus on all the bad things in the world. To be honest, being happy is hard in this world where there is so much hate, discrimination, and stereotyping. Nevertheless, happiness is not unrealistic.

Of course happiness is not the only important thing in life, nonetheless it should be a priority. I know it’s easier said than done as the responsibilities of life weigh down on us; what’s expected of us, and all the other things we tend to put before happiness. Some people think happiness is selfish, saying perhaps that being ‘useful’ is more important. Maybe from one perspective that is true, but we can be both useful and happy, as well as many other things at the same time. Furthermore, if you are happy in life, you are most likely going to have a positive outlook and enjoy doing your work.

One step towards true happiness later in life can come from living in the moment and enjoying the journey. Take life day by day; it is a life-long process that involves continuously checking in with yourself. So dear everyone, don’t forget to be happy as you move forward throughout your lives. Life is truly too short, so make sure you enjoy it!

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